Does Relationship Counselling Help?

Love is hard. 

Having meaningful, long-lasting relationships is one of the most challenging things we can do in this lifetime. It’s also one of the most rewarding. 

If love is challenging at the best of times, it becomes infinitely more so once you get married. This adds all the stress and confusion of finances, career, lifestyle, cohabitating, along with the added responsibility of starting your new family (even if you’re not planning on having kids). 

However, this is not a doom-and-gloom story. A recent study, The Coming Divorce Decline, reports that divorce rates fell 18% among Millennials in the United States between 2008 and 2017. That’s a promising sign for things to come. 

If you’ve been wondering “What are the benefits of marriage counselling?” we’ve put together a little primer to help get you started. 

What Are The Benefits Of Marriage Counselling?

The benefits of marriage counselling are many and varied. And yet, despite all it has to offer, fewer than 5% of divorcing couples sought out marriage counselling before deciding to separate. It’s hard to reconcile this reality. 

Before we even delve into the benefits, think back over your relationship. How many hours have you spent with your partner? How many nights, mornings, weekends have you been there for one another, celebrating the victories and commiserating over the difficulties?

The answer is (most likely) a lot, even if you haven’t known one another for long. With all of those hours spent, why would you walk away before doing everything in your power to salvage what was once your greatest treasure?

We’re not just talking about sunk cost fallacy, either. We’re talking about knowing and appreciating what you have while you still have it. 

Help You Resolve Conflicts

Relationships always involve compromise. You’ll both have your own goals and priorities, even when you’re working as a team. 

No matter how much you love someone, you’re both going to have your own take on things. There will be misunderstandings. There will be some untenable positions. There will be heels dug into the ground. 

Sometimes trying to resolve these issues from within the relationship just causes someone to dig their heels in further. This doesn’t even take into consideration how emotional conversations can sometimes get heated, as they often involve intense emotions. It’s easy to lose sight of even your own position and simply focus on “being right.” 

A marriage counsellor works as an intermediary. They’re an impartial witness, able to keep track of the pertinent points, even during difficult conversations. They’ll help you come back to what’s important so you can focus on finding a healthy solution that works for everybody. 

 

Help Identify and Avoid Recurring Problems

We often find ourselves making the same mistakes, time after time. These recurring problems can have a tendency to become a pattern. Furthermore, when no resolution is found, these problems become a pitfall that you’re likely to stumble into, again and again, reinforcing the patterns and creating a vicious cycle of mistakes.

Working with a marriage counsellor while helping you and your spouse identify your patterns, you’ll be able to see areas where you struggle, where you can compromise, and areas for exploration and growth. 

Even more, a marriage counsellor will give you and your spouse an arsenal of tools and resources you can investigate on your own time. You’ll be given reading material, exercise, and ideas for ways that you can help circumnavigate common problem areas of your relationship. 

A Safe Place To Express Yourselves

It’s all-too-easy to get into the habit of shaming and blaming when discussing difficult topics with our significant others. This causes a lot of couples to shy away from having any difficult discussions at all. 

If you’re going to fix your relationship, however, you’re going to need to have these difficult conversations. You’re going to need to communicate about difficult subject matters a lot of the time. You need to be able to do this in a safe and neutral environment. Bonus points for having an objective third-party on hand, who also happens to be well-trained in conflict resolution and all kinds of other interpersonal skills. 

You’ll Understand One Another Better

Once you clear the air and start dealing with old wounds in healthy, balanced ways, you’ll come to find you and your spouse will understand one another a lot better rather quickly. 

Once you develop the skills of coming to a compromise, listening, withholding judgement, and a whole laundry list of useful interpersonal skills, you’ll find you’re both not only listening to another but actually understanding and relating to one another as well. 

Remaining Friends…

We often judge the success or failure of relationship counselling by whether or not the relationship remains a romantic one. This isn’t necessarily the care, however. Sometimes, realizing that the relationship will not work as a romantic one can be a success, if you are able to preserve the close, intimate friendship that you have earned through your hard work through the years. While it might not feel like it at the time, protecting and preserving a valued friendship from the hurt of a nasty break-up can also be a success.

… And Partners

Preserving that friendship doesn’t necessarily mean losing the romantic one, either. The intensity of a romantic relationship can overshadow the underlying friendship, and protecting that relationship is often a vital step in preserving the relationship as a whole. It is the bedrock on which the romance is based.

 

“A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.” 

– Dave Meurer

More and more couples seem to be taking this quote by Dave Meurer to heart. Marriage can be one of the most wonderful things in life, when it’s working properly. Marriage counselling is one way you can help make sure your marriage remains as healthy and vibrant as possible. 

At Depression & Relationship Counselling, we understand how marital and relationship issues can disrupt your emotional wellbeing. We’re here to help get your relationship back on track. Our highly-skilled and caring counsellors will help you both through the difficult times. 

Drop us a line at 519 253-1519 or visit the website to make an appointment. Give us a call; we’re ready to help.