After Infidelity: Rebuilding Trust and Healing Relationships

The effects of infidelity can be traumatizing. It may utterly destroy trust, the foundation upon which a relationship is built, and cause long-lasting grief. Often, the person who feels cheated can experience strong emotional and psychological distress.

Here are some of the effects of cheating on your partner:

Trust Issues

– Not only does the person who feels betrayed have difficulty trusting both emotionally and sexually, they may doubt others around them. Broken trust can also have a significant impact on an individual’s confidence and self-esteem.

 

Emotional and Mental Distress

– Mutual respect and trust are essential to maintain a strong relationship, but cheating can throw a partnership off balance. Unfaithfulness can trigger stress, depression, and anxiety in the grieving party. On the other hand, the person who was unfaithful might react with blame, or conversely shame. Such discord can add to the emotional hurt and turmoil.

 

Affects Sex Life

– The discovery an affair can damage a couple’s sex life. Sex is often the last piece of the puzzle when rebuilding and healing relationships. In some instances, couples try to engage more in sex, but it does not heal the root issues in the partnership.

 

Healing Infidelity’s Effects

Some couples choose to split after the discovery of infidelity. However, cheating can be an opportunity to rebuild a relationship and make it stronger. Although healing might be a challenging process, many marriages and relationships can grow from the experience. If both of you commit to staying together in a healthy partnership, here are some tips to rebuild trust and overcome pain:

 

• End the Affair

  The first step to repair the relationship is to end any affair. Never meet with the person you cheated with. If your partner needs proof contact them via phone with your partner present and make it clear there will be no more contact. Although this step can be difficult, it is necessary to give your spouse additional peace of mind.

 

 

• Allow Your Partner to Vent Feelings 

  It’s not easy to overcome the personal impact of infidelity. Give your spouse space and time to grieve. Do not attempt to stop them from sharing feelings. The healing process takes time. Despite your partner’s anger, show remorse (apologize), and be compassionate. Even more important prove your willingness to change by gaining the insight into why you had the affair.

 

• Take Full Responsibility 

  Instead of blaming your partner for your actions, own your behaviour. Put yourself in their shoes and understand how your actions hurt and caused distress.

 

• Keep Communication Open 

  Healthy communication is critical to rebuilding and healing a relationship. Both partners must honestly share feelings. If an argument cannot be avoided, use techniques that allow each person to speak. Try to remain calm; use the heated discussion to reveal your innermost thoughts and make future, positive changes.

 

 

• Listen – Listening is essential to discover your partner’s needs. This effort goes beyond simply hearing someone speak. Making an acknowledging statement like “I hear you saying that you feel hurt and need assurance” shows attentiveness and respect.

 

• Express Attention and Affection 

  After owning to personal mistakes, begin to make it up to your significant other by offering your full attention. It may not be easy, but going the extra mile to win back trust indicates you are making an effort. Without expectation of reciprocity, surprise them with a heart-felt letter, take them to dinner or on a weekend getaway.  Keep in mind that affection is essential in starting the healing process always going at your partners pace.

 

• Avoid Old Patterns 

  There are certain patterns in your relationship that may not be healthy for the security of the relationship. For instance, if the affair started with a trip to the pub, avoid going to the same place (or similar ones). If you have an ex who is trying to rekindle the flame, remove or block them in your contact list or from social media accounts.

 

Why Infidelity does not Need to Result with a Breakup

After an affair, it takes two people to stay, work, and heal a relationship. Although cheating can have a severe impact, it does not necessitate ending the partnership. The first stage of recovery will likely be difficult. However, licensed and caring couples therapists have helped many patients stay together and build a stronger relationship. Surprisingly, infidelity could be a wakeup call for two people who are willing to learn from the experience.

The Importance of Seeking Therapy

The journey to healing and rebuilding trust may be long and arduous. It requires couples to willingly invest the time, patience, and perseverance to learn new communication skills and support each other. Apologizing does not instantaneously renew a partner’s trust and forgiveness.

Reconciliation will not work without the guidance of professional relationship counselling. There is no shame in talking to a couple’s therapist. Be proud of the choice to accept professional help.

Benefits of Couples Counselling

• Improves Communication

  Infidelity creates a disconnect and distance between partners. Counselling improves communication by allowing each person to speak their mind and express thoughts and feelings in a safe, neutral environment.

 

• Strengthens Trust and Intimacy

  Jealousy and distrust can cause any relationship to turn sour. A licensed counsellor helps both parties resolve conflict by gaining a better understanding of themselves while strengthening their mutual bond.

 

• Rebuilds Self-esteem 

  Unfaithfulness often affects the other partner’s self-esteem. However, sharing in counselling sessions can rebuild an individual’s feeling of self-worth and help them recognize their value in the partnership.

 

• Makes You Happier

  Counselling enables both parties to confront issues that often lead to unresolved relationship problems. The counsellor teaches partners acceptance and understanding, preventing the urge to seek happiness through other partners, devices, addictive behaviour, and other pursuits.

 

• Re-establishes Commitment

  Counselling grants partners better understanding of their commitment and helps them establish a stronger connection. Both individuals are able to realize their roles and responsibilities in the relationship and how to create clear and workable agreements as they go through life together.

 

Couples benefit from relationship or marriage counselling, whether they’re dealing with infidelity or a rocky patch. When each person works willingly (and mutually) to address interpersonal issues, they can enjoy a happier and healthier future.

For a professional couples counselling in Windsor, ON call Wendy Limarzi at (519) 253-1519. Become empowered using effective strategies that will bring lasting solutions to different relationship challenges. Call or send a personal message or inquiry using our confidential contact form.